


No One Has a Heart of Stone

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Hinted Childhood Abuse, Hux is mostly a good guy, It's why Hux thinks he's an outsider and doesn't understand relationships, M/M, Smoking, no one is drunk though, tipsy only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6162034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux feels very much like an outsider, but as Rey invited him to a small party at her aunt and uncle's place he goes anyway. He doesn't know what to do with her friendly affection, or what to do about the way he feels towards her cousin Kylo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Has a Heart of Stone

**Author's Note:**

> 'Short fic'. Ha! Look at this monstrosity! It's a reply to a prompt, so I just typed with no clear direction in mind. I like this AU, although it's not one I intended to write - I just needed an excuse to have Rey talking to Hux. In this, they're all university students, and know each other though that. Rey is Hux's friend. She has a big heart, and wants to include the socially awkward guy, who is totally trying to recover from a lifetime of emotional and psychological abuse (but that's not really mentioned in the fic, just alluded to: it's why Hux is the way he is around people, and why he holds himself back, thinking he's inept and undesirable).
> 
> Thank you to chickadddddd for checking over the first half of this. The second part hasn't been scanned for errors, so please... be kind...
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!

Parties are nearly always too much for Hux to cope with. Even this one - which is relatively small, and populated by people he might actually say he likes - is starting to get to him, and he makes his way from the room, intent on finding some peace and quiet, and some fresh air. It is a nice house - the Solos have very nice things - and Hux pushes open the patio door, finding a neat kitchen garden greeting him. Light from windows spill into the courtyard, and as he slides the door almost completely closed behind himself and walks a few steps into the gloom, Hux reaches into his pocket and digs out a cigarette, raising it to his lips. As he lights it, he inhales deeply, enjoying the rush of nicotine and the relative silence as he tilts his chin up to the sky and slowly exhales.

He's sure no one will miss him. He's not someone the others pay much attention to, or would call a friend. He's more an outsider than anything else, forever hanging awkwardly on the fringes of conversations and never knowing how to participate. His upbringing leaves him at a disadvantage, and he's always aware of it - sometimes painfully so. The ache of it gets worse depending on who he's around, or thinking of. Tonight, there's someone here who makes him feel particularly inadequate, and he wants to hide away from them, while at the same time gravitate even closer. He knows he'll make an excuse to go home soon, especially after what happened with Rey in the kitchen. Thankfully no one saw it.

The patio door slides open again, and Hux frowns at the sound of it, inhaling again. He opens his mouth as he turns, about to apologise for being there, but is beaten to it.

"Sorry," Rey says, her voice light and clear, much like the air around them. "I saw you come out here, I just wondered..."

She moves closer, graceful as always. She stops just short of Hux, looking up at him with eyes that are bright even in the darkest of light. Hux turns his head courteously and blows the smoke away from her.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

Hux gives a dismissive shrug, looking down at the ground, and to the cigarette he flicks to free it of growing ash. "Yeah, I'm good," he replies flatly. He's not sure how to do this. He's not used to people asking and actually wanting an honest answer. He's not used to admitting how he feels. And he doesn't know how he feels, especially after what just happened between them.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't intend to kiss you," Rey says, directly addressing the matter. Hux likes that about her. "Well, I did, but... not that way?"

"Platonically?" Hux supplies.

"Yeah, platonically," Rey nods. "I get a bit... affectionate when I drink."

Hux nods, lifting the cigarette again. Rey reaches out to him, her hand close to the arm he leaves hanging at his side.

"May I?"

Hux shrugs, uncertain. "Sure."

With his tentative permission, Rey's small, slender frame presses against his tall lanky one, surprisingly strong arms wrapping around his chest as Rey embraces him.

"I really like you," Rey mumbles, seemingly unconcerned about how she might smell after being so close to a smoker: Hux knows she finds the habit distasteful. "I want you to be happy."

Hux snorts softly, wondering what to do with the honesty. Rey is the reason he's here: she's the one who invited him. Her endless optimism seems to extend far enough for her to actually notice Hux, and try to make him a part of things he struggles to ask for. He wonders if, had his reaction been different, she'd be embracing him in an altogether different manner. Her heart is too big, and Hux's too withered. He's such a stranger to affection that a tipsy girl embracing him in the dark is the closest thing to being loved he's ever felt.

"Yeah, you too," he manages, not sure what to do with himself. His free hand finds its way to the nape of her neck, and that seems good enough. Rey sighs against him, obviously content. He honestly doesn't feel like he deserves her time or attention. She knows about his past. She knows what he is, where he's come from, and what he's done. And still she is happy to be close to him.

"I- "

"Rey! Are you- "

Hux is cut short by a familiar voice shattering the quiet, his whole body tensing as ice pours over him. Kylo.

The blundering idiot stumbles into the darkness - more clumsiness than drink - and stops short as he processes what he's seeing, no doubt reaching the wrong conclusion. Rey pulls slowly away, turning to greet him, but Kylo's face is frozen in horror, and something else Hux can't quite read in the darkness. He desperately wishes he could explain himself, but no words fall from his open mouth. He simply stares, desperately hoping that Kylo won't get the wrong idea.

"Hey, Ben. What is it?"

Rey's voice is as light as ever, and she speaks as if nothing has happened. Kylo's attention shifts from Hux to her as he hears her voice and registers her presence.

"Are you two...?"

He sounds hurt. Hux stiffens even further, afraid of an attack. Kylo is volatile, and Hux knows what happened to the last man who made inappropriate advances on his cousin. It wasn't pretty. He's afraid he's about to meet the same fate, even though Rey isn't the cousin he wants; the one he's always wanted.

"Mm, Ben..." Rey drawls, moving away from Hux and meandering the short distance Kylo. Hux instantly realises she's putting it on. As she reaches her cousin, Rey flings her arms around him, startling him. "I want a huuuug."

Kylo nervously pats her hair, tearing his gaze away from Hux. He's both relieved and sad to feel it go. He's invisible again.

"Were you two...?"

Rey laughs, the sound muffled by Kylo's clothing. "Don't be silly," she chides. "Hux doesn't like me like that."

"He'd better not," Kylo mutters darkly. "Come on, you need a glass of water."

Seconds later, Hux is alone again, left staring after the pair, cigarette burning low between his fingers. He notices almost too late, and curses, managing to take a small draw before it reaches the filter. He makes sure it's out, and carries the end back into the house, knowing he'll be flayed alive if he leaves it in the garden.

He makes his way to one of the upstairs bathrooms, almost on the other side of the house from where the others are gathered, and flushes the cigarette end. As he makes to leave, he catches sight of himself in the mirror above the sink, and pauses, sighing heavily as his gaze falls to the gleaming taps. He remembers Rey's words of reassurance to Kylo - 'Hux doesn't like me like that' - and wishes he were different. Rey is the only person in the world who might show him any affection in return: the object of his own desire will certainly never reciprocate.

He freezes as he hears voices outside the door, holding his breath.

"Don't say that about him."

It's Rey's voice; chastising.

"Why not? It's true. He has no emotions. Heart of fucking stone."

Hux's entire body goes cold as he realises who Rey is talking to, and who they're talking about.

"No one has a heart of stone," Rey says firmly, much closer to the bathroom now. Hux just hopes he locked the door, and that they won't realise he's there, but he can’t make himself move to check as he listens to Rey continue. "And as for emotions... You should try talking to the guy. He's really nice, in his own way."

"In his own way," Kylo echoes mockingly. "He's a soulless, heartless piece of shit bastard, and I fucking hate him. Why did you have to fucking invite him? You know I can't stand seeing him."

"Ben," Rey's voice is far sterner than Hux has ever heard it. He tries to swallow his pain at Ren’s words, and dislodge the awkward lump in his throat caused by Rey’s defense of him. "You don't mean that. And even if you did hate him, he's still my friend. I want him here. Not everyone has been lucky enough to have a loving family, or even a family at all - and don't you dare try to tell me your parents didn't love you - so consider that once in a while before saying something so hurtful about someone else."

Kylo is quiet for a moment, cut back by the sharpness in Rey's tone. Rey is the only one who can talk to him like that. She's also one of the few people who can call him 'Ben' and keep her limbs intact.

"Make him go. I can't stand seeing him here," Kylo eventually pleads, his voice sounding pathetically small and vulnerable as he petitions Rey. "I'm going to- "

To Hux's complete and utter horror, the door handle is depressed. He’s still reeling from Kylo’s words, doesn't think or react fast enough. He can do nothing but watch, frozen in terror, as the bathroom door swings open and he comes face to face with the man who was just professing his hatred of him.

Hux already feels sick. He can see what little colour there is in Kylo's pale complexion draining completely as they stare at each other. He tries to make himself move - to say something - but it takes takes a lifetime to get his mouth to cooperate. Amazingly, he manages, spurred on by the fear of hearing Kylo say anything further.

"I... I was just leaving," he manages, trying to hold himself together and walk towards the door, pushing past a stunned Kylo and a deeply embarrassed Rey, who looks as if she's about to cry. He half expects her to say something as he starts walking away. What he doesn't expect, however, is for Kylo to be the one who chases after him.

"Hux!”

He ignores him.

“ _Hux!_ ”

This time, Hux stills, desperately hoping the fact he's shaking isn't obvious. He knows it is. He feels like he's breaking apart, but cannot help freezing at his name.

"Hux, I didn't mean..."

With strength he didn't know he had left, Hux turns, meeting Kylo's gaze. He's too lost in his own pain to truly understand the desperation he sees there.

"I think you did," he says with astonishing calmness. He's still shaking, his skin prickling with cold sweat, and he forces the next words out, desperate to go; to disappear and never be seen or thought of again. "I'm leaving now. Goodbye."

Somehow he manages to put one foot in front of the other as he approaches the stairs. He's completed four astonishingly difficult steps, when everything shifts. There’s heavy footfall, and then a firm, tight hand grasps as his upper arm, not so much stilling him as tugging at him so sharply he's turned around, bringing im face to face with a wild, desperate Kylo, whose eyes flit over Hux's features, unable to settle. Hux tenses, afraid of what will come next as Kylo moves even closer. The tight grip prevents him from taking a step back, and he feels himself starting to panic, trying to pull free.

Something shifts, and it takes Hux a moment to realise that, for reasons he can't fathom, the distance between them no longer exists: he's being kissed. It's uncoordinated and bruising, and pain registers a full second after Kylo's mouth crashes against his, catching him completely unaware. Kylo is awkward and unbalanced, severely lacking the grace and finesse Rey's earlier attempt possessed, but it's definitely supposed to be a kiss.

And then the pressure is gone. Hux struggles to understand what's happening, and the world around him tilts sickeningly. If Kylo weren't still holding onto him, he's sure he'd fall back and flee. He can't understand...

"Don't go. Please? Stay?"

Hux's bruised mouth falls open as he struggles to work out what to do, or say. Kylo is looking at him pleadingly, seeming somehow more lost than Hux feels. How long has Hux spent wanting this mess of a young man? How long has he spent imagining what it would be like to spend time with him, dating and doing all the stupid things people seemed to love so much, and even kissing him? How long has he wanted what it hurt to know he'd never have?

It feels like a cruel joke is being played on him. Kylo has to be mocking him. Hux tries to pull away again, but Kylo wouldn't let him go.

"Hux?" Kylo sounds desperate, and seems afraid to let go, as if Hux will disappear if he does. It’s still very much what Hux wants to do. "Please? I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

It's those last two words the drain all the building fight from Hux, and the fist he was about to bring crashing into the side of Kylo's skull loosens again at his side. In the two years he's known Kylo, he's never heard the guy apologise to anyone, for anything. He'd rather fume and fight, defending his position no matter how wrong it is. Kylo is stubborn, beyond fault. He refuses to acknowledge his own mistakes.

"Ben," Rey says, slowly appearing beside them. "You're hurting him."

At her words, Kylo lets Hux go, as if burnt. His face creases sadly.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, his gaze falling and head bowing. He looks genuinely apologetic, his next words mumbled. "I didn’t mean it. I didn't want to hurt you."

Hux gives a derisive huff, unable to believe what he's hearing. "So that's why you were cursing me as a soulless bastard and crushing my arm?"

"I didn't mea- " Kylo's head snaps up, but his gaze slides away. "I thought you hated me."

Rey gives a loud snort, shaking her head in disbelief. "You two are fucking useless," she snaps. "How many times, Ben? How many times?"

She rounds on her cousin, who looks cowed. Hux, however, feels something cold dropping in his stomach.

"You told him?"

Rey catches his concern, and frowns almost imperceptibly. "I told him that you don't hate him. That's all."

"Told me what?"

Hux can't look at Kylo, and turns to Rey for help. Rey gives an exasperated shrug.

"I'm going to find Poe. You two need to work this out on your own."

It's the first time Hux has ever felt anything like frustration directed at him from Rey, although he's sure it's mostly aimed at Kylo. He feels lost as Rey turns and walks away, leaving him with a man he's not sure how to deal with.

"Told me what?" Kylo asks again when Rey disappears. Hux wants so desperately to go after her, but instead crosses his arms to put something of a barrier between himself and Kylo, seeing next to no way out of this, save turning and running. The idea is tempting.

“It doesn’t matter,” he lies instead, trying to close off his expression and become unreadable.

“Hux, please,” Kylo begs, his voice cracking with distress. Even as he is - bound as tightly in himself as possible and trying to restrain his feelings - Hux can see the torment in Kylo, as if the other man actually cares. “What did you tell her?”

“Did you think I was laughing at you? Behind your back?”

“Were you?”

Kylo looks hurt at the thought, and it makes it easier for Hux to feel a tug of dry amusement as he points out the flaw in Kylo’s concern. “With your cousin?”

Kylo falls silent, his gaze lowering to Hux’s crossed arms. After several more seconds in which they simply stand there, Kylo bites his lip before speaking again. When he does, his voice is soft, and newly vulnerable. It makes Hux’s chest tighten, making it harder to breathe.

“Do you hate me?”

Hux wants to answer in a rush, but finds his tongue won’t move to form even the simplest of words. He’s frozen on the spot, unable to make himself react. Kylo looks up again, deep brown eyes pitifully wrecked by uncertainty, his mouth drawn in an unhappy line Hux’s attention falls to, his gaze then moving even lower. Hux knows he should force his mouth to work - to stay something, anything - but instead finds his arms moving shakily, reaching out, and his fists grasping at the loose material of Kylo’s top, his gaze fixed on his own fingers as they clutch at the dark fabric. He can’t look up. He’s too afraid of what he will see.

There’s not much space between them, but it takes a lifetime for Hux to close the gap, heart hammering in his chest, fear threatening to suffocate him. He feels detached from himself, taken over by a destructive compulsion he can’t understand as he puts himself firmly in Kylo’s space, slowly lifting his head and stopping just there; just inches from Kylo’s face and his now softly parted lips.

Even with Hux right there, Kylo doesn’t pull back. He doesn’t flinch. His breath falls, warm and sweet, against Hux’s lips, and he looks surprised; but he doesn’t pull back. He does nothing to stop Hux, who loses sight of the other man as his eyes fall closed in that terrifying moment before he tilts his jaw up a fraction, moving in and pressing his lips to Kylo’s.

This time, the touch is soft. It’s nothing like the bruising, crushing contact Kylo assaulted him with earlier, and Hux fights back a sob, the sound catching in his throat as terrible, wonderful delight cascades through him. His hands tighten in Kylo’s top, afraid that this is the only true moment of rightness, of belonging, that he will ever know. He hasn’t even taken it with permission.

And then Kylo reacts, his body changing completely as he seemingly pours himself against Hux. All the tension held in his frame seems to dissipate, a strong exhale of breath through his nose coinciding with a soft moan as his arms wrap around Hux, fingers pushing into his hair and large, warm hands holding him close. His lips move against Hux’s gently, and he seems to be trembling. Or perhaps it’s Hux who is trembling. He can’t tell. All he knows is that they’re moving back a step, Kylo guiding him until Hux’s back presses against the wall, and that his own aching fingers have loosened their death grip on Kylo’s clothes, and he’s now running his hands over Kylo’s frame, feeling the warm, solid body he’s so long admired and can now, somehow, finally touch. Hux is pretty sure he doesn’t deserve this, or the way it feels when Kylo gently licks into his mouth, enticing Hux to yield to him. Kylo tastes sweet, like the liqueur he’s been drinking, and Hux’s fingers are now grasping at Kylo’s hair, marvelling at the softness of it, and he presses his body against Kylo’s just that little bit harder, desperate for more of the warmth and sweetness radiating from the other man. He never knew Kylo could be sweet.

With strange confidence, Hux presses for more dominance in the kiss, and feels Kylo tremble against him, moaning softly and something like a whimper escaping him as he clings to Hux even harder. To Hux’s consternation, the kiss breaks, but both of them are panting for air, Hux feeling dizzy with the revelation of how _right_ kissing someone can feel. Kylo almost immediately buries his face in Hux’s neck, denying Hux the pleasure of seeing his face, but Hux’s eyes are still closed anyway, and he leans against the wall, holding Kylo to him, and focuses on the damp kisses being pressed to surprisingly sensitive skin. His fingers play encouragingly with Kylo’s hair, and he tries to steady his heart rate, caught in the rush of excitement, adrenaline and fear.

He kissed Kylo.

Kylo kissed him back.

He sighs, opening his eyes when Kylo pulls away. There’s warmth and hope in the way Kylo looks at him, and Hux feels himself falling apart just that little bit more. The fear fades a little. Hux still doesn’t know where this leaves him, or them, or what happens next, but he feels less afraid of rejection or ridicule when Kylo’s hand moves to cup his cheek, thumb gently stroking Hux’s lightly flushed skin.

“I’m sorry I said those things,” Kylo breathes, holding Hux’s gaze with clear difficulty. Hux leans into the touch, enjoying it as he tries to get his tongue to cooperate.

“Will you make it up to me?”

Kylo nods sombrely, his expression serious. “What do you want?”

Hux gives a small smile, testing the distance and seeing if he can kiss Kylo again. He can. He does so, lightly, and pulls away. This time he can see the warm flush of pleasant surprise on Kylo’s cheeks.

“Another cigarette, and a drink. Will you come with me?”

Kylo nods again, looking at Hux like he wants to kiss him. Instead, disappointingly, he speaks.

“Do you like me?”

“Yes,” Hux says, thinking the answer should be obvious but somehow not minding that Kylo clearly needs reassurance. It’s touching, in a way that almost borders on sad, and Hux feels like adding to the simple admission. “I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Kylo makes a choked noise, looking lost. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What would I say? ‘Hi Kylo, I’m really into you, wanna go together?’” Hux huffs at the idea of ever doing something that reckless. “I didn’t think you’d be open to the idea.”

“I am,” Kylo says softly, hovering even closer. Their bodies are pressed firmly together, the wall still supporting Hux from behind. He’s glad of its presence. “Would you be okay with it if we… you know…?”

Hux didn’t know, but was desperate to agree to anything Kylo was willing to offer.

“If we what?”

“Made a go of it? Together? As a couple.”

Kylo is somewhat uneasy with the word, and Hux agrees with him, never having been good with sentimental terms or the sappy notion of calling someone his boyfriend. He doesn’t think that it would be so terrible to call Kylo his boyfriend, though, or admit that they’re a couple. He gives a small smile.

“Partners in crime?” he suggests.

Kylo returns the smile, his face lighting up and causing Hux’s heart to skip a beat. He’s seen Kylo laugh and smile before, but always at a distance: never at him. It feels like he’s staring at the most beautiful night sky he could ever imagine, arranged just for him.

“Yeah,” Kylo agrees. “Partners in crime.”

Hux’s whole body is singing in anticipation of another kiss, when Kylo stiffens, freezing in alarm. Unsettled, Hux regards him warily.

“What is it?”

“My parents. They can’t know. Ever.”

Hux wants to question why Kylo cares, when he spends so much time antagonising people and professing just how much he doesn’t care what people think about him, but Kylo continues before he can ask.

“If they ever found out, they’d invite you to _dinner_.”

Kylo’s horror at the idea surprises Hux, and he laughs, pulling Kylo into an uncoordinated kiss that’s more clumsiness and teeth than careful kissing. He doesn’t want to be invited to an awkward meal any more than Kylo wants to be embarrassed by his parents in front of someone he still barely knows, but the concern seems so unimportant to him. All he cares about is what he somehow has now.

“So don’t tell them,” Hux says simply when he pulls away.

“Yeah,” Kylo breathes, seeming to relax at the obvious suggestion. “Yeah…” There’s a pause, and then: “Hey, Hux?”

“Mm?”

“I like you too.”

Hux doesn’t question how he got so lucky. He knows life doesn’t come with happy endings, and people like him don’t deserve kindness or affection, but somehow he has it; he has this peculiar bundle of oddness, with all it’s sharp edges, surprising softness, and unconventional attractiveness. He doesn’t know how long it will last, so decides to make every second count.

When Kylo kisses him, it’s a long time before Hux will let him go, determined to learn as much about the way Kylo kisses and to memorise how he feels against him.

When, eventually, they pull apart, blushing and trying to catch their breath, their hands reach for each other, fingers lacing together instinctively.

When, in a few minutes’ time, they’ve made their way back to kitchen garden and Hux stands, cigarette forgotten in his hand and his arms around Kylo, they’re both too absorbed in each other and the slow, steady rhythm growing between them for either of them to notice Rey sliding the patio door open a crack and smiling at the sight of them together.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://deluxekyluxtrashcan.tumblr.com/).


End file.
